"Dancing" In The Dark

There are very few shows that my wife and I watch together. Actually, there is only one show that my wife and I watch together, and we watch it with our children as well: American Idol.

But American Idol serves as the map point where our television viewing paths begin to diverge. I'm drawn to vibrant, diverse melodramas such as Monday Night Football and the NHL Playoffs. Whereas she is comforted by the unscripted realities of Supernanny and John and Kate Plus 8. She also enjoys one of the more popular shows - a show whose popularity confounds me - Dancing With The Stars.

I enjoyed watching Jerry Rice catch footballs. I enjoyed watching Evander Holyfield box. And, in their chosen fields, I enjoy the talents of Tucker Carlson, Mark Cuban, and Li'l Kim. I just don't care if they can dance.

Through all the seasons, there was only one celebrity that I followed. There was only one guest star that could get me to turn off Georgetown vs. Syracuse and watch. There was only one who could make me pivot from ESPN and get lost in the dance.

I am talking, of course, about Marie Osmond who, but for a tragic series of cosmic missteps in the planes of time, geography and, perhaps on her part, religion, could have been my wife. But beyond my beloved Marie, there was really nothing that drew me to the show. And now I seem to know why:

They don't like people with disabilities very much.

Robert Carr and Arnie Pike, two fans of the show who were recently part of the studio audience in Los Angeles, have filed a lawsuit against the show. Carr, a double amputee, and Pike, a quadriplegic, claim the show was insensitive and, at times, hostile toward them because they use wheelchairs for mobility.

The lawsuit alleges that the studio has no designated areas for wheelchairs. And, as written into the filing, the petitioners bet they know why:

They claim the staff has "a policy of placing disabled persons where they cannot be seen by the camera or the public."

Pike and Carr say they were put in the very back, behind all of the permanent seats, in a position that made it impossible to see the dance floor which is, in truth, a pretty important part of the overall show.

But worse than that, they both allege, the show was even hostile to their companion dogs.

The worst slight of all -- allegedly -- "his service dog was placed in the aisle where the camera man threatened to run over the dog."

Some people in wheelchairs can laugh off the occasional, unintentional slight. But don't start threatening their Goldens. That is waking up the grizzly bear.

To give some degree of fairness, they did have deaf actress Marlee Matlin on the show. Not that Pike and Carr could have seen her, but she was on the show. They also kept uncomfortably telling Matlin after every performance what an "inspiration" she was, which was their way of saying "It's hard to dance in absolutely perfect time to the music when you can't, well, actually hear the music."

I don't know what the Access Board regulations are on television studios. But they don't sell tickets to television shows - thereby removing the "Michigan argument" for ignoring the ADA - so I don't know why they wouldn't have a few spots for wheelchairs.

Could what Pike and Carr allege by true? Could the show that forced us to sit through Jerry Springer and Cloris Leachman dancing, really not want to upset the aesthetics of the "competition" by showing people in wheelchairs? Could they be that unbelievably stupid?

Stay tuned.